Leaving
by PT21
Summary: Set after 'Hiatus' Abby and Gibbs are in a relationship but after the bombing he figures it's time to go. But is Abby included in those plans?


Leaving

by Caz

Rated K+

Disclaimer is in force so please leave me be!

Abby stood in the background, watching quietly as Gibbs packed the last few pieces of his possessions into the carry-all. It was a meagre amount for a man so well travelled with just a couple of personal memento's and a lifetime of memories. In a couple of hours he'd be on his way to Mexico. He was leaving her, and the team to go and spend his days sitting in the sun on a beach with his old buddy, Mike.

If only she were going with him; to be beside him as they explored the country and new dreams together. But she had to face facts, and had to painfully accept, that it wasn't going to happen.

As Gibbs gaze swung around the house looking for anything he might have missed, Abby studied his face, deliberately seeking to imprint its image on her mind. He was so handsome, especially now when a new excitement unconsciously lit up his features, despite being acutely aware that he was leaving her behind. But even so, that quirky grin and those intense and sparkling blue eyes would stay in her memory for ever.

Eventually though, knowing that he'd not missed anything, Gibbs knew his eyes had to finally meet hers and Abby was aware that he was sensing some of her miseries, despite her trying valiantly to mask the deepest of them - the ones that would betray her true pain.

Gibbs had looked forward to this day for weeks. In truth, he'd been looking forward to this day from practically the day he was born. But now it was here, instead of the euphoria he'd expected, all he felt was a great hollowness building in his heart.

_If only she knew_, he thought, how much he felt like sweeping her up into his arms and saying, _'I've changed my mind. I'm not going because I can't be without you.'_ Or the other scenario that churned over and over in his mind. 'C_ome with me, I don't want to be without you.'_

If there had been the slightest change of heart on Abby's part, he would have done so, gladly. But no, there she stood with possibly the saddest smile he'd ever seen on her beautiful face, a smile that was supposed to tell him that it was okay that he was going. That she'd accepted it and was happy to let him go. But it was anything but that and it was killing him to know that she was doing it for him.

The tense silence between them stretched as they each battled with thoughts that needed to stay within their own minds. The throb of growing despair began to climb, adhering their feet to the carpet just a few feet apart from one another, just far enough away to keep them from doing what they both desperately craved to do; to throw themselves into each others arms and reveal the thoughts that would change everything.

But then suddenly as those thoughts began to bubble inside their mouths, threatening to change everything, Abby reached her hand across the great divide that spanned invisibly between them and instinctively, without thought, Gibbs slipped his own hand into it.

"Let's get out of here." Abby murmured.

Forcing his head to nod, Gibbs agreed. Maybe they did need to neutralize the moment. He still had over an hour before he needed to be at the airport, a whole hour of treading on extremely volatile egg-shells that could shatter already shattered dreams, and within a few minutes they were both seated in the familiar and beckoning corner booth in the club with their drinks, managing to evade the curious and pitying stares from its other few occupants.

Minutes later as Abby absently stirred cocktail before her trying to justify her insane reasoning for bringing them both out into public when all she really wanted to do was privately hold the man opposite her within her empty arms, show him her breaking heart and reveal to him why he should stay with her.

But she couldn't do that to him. She wouldn't.

Gibbs watched as Abby took a deep breath and then release it on a sigh that hurt his soul. The silence that followed hurt even more. Normally, before this, they could talk for hours. They had so much in common and had so much more to learn about each other. But then they'd had their quiet times, too. But those had been companionable quiet times and not this dead, desperate battle of unspeakable words.

Abby stared into the amber liquid and thought about their times at NCIS, the things they'd done as comrades, as friends, and eventually, as lovers, a love that began to die as soon as Gibbs realized that his dreams of a happy ever after were blown to smithereens. How was she going to live without him?

Deliberately Abby pushed that thought away. In a couple of hours time she was going to find that out all on her own.

Quickly realizing that they'd made a mistake in leaving Gibbs' house, they quickly drank up and made their way back. But as they reached the door to Gibbs place their feet slowed to a halt. What did they do next? Did she go inside and prolong the parting, or did she leave him, right there?

Her choices were stolen from her when Gibbs, unable to keep up the charade any longer, suddenly spoke. "Look, Abby, I've still got a few things I need to do before I leave, and I'm sure you've got things that you're not doing because you feel you need to nurse-maid me before I go. Honestly, Abs, it's okay. You can go, if you want."

Abby hated to hear the pleading tone in his voice and in that instant knew that he wanted to end the torture of his leaving right there and then. She inwardly sighed, understanding that he was giving her an easy way out and, thinking that it was what he wanted too, readily agreed.

"Fine," The smile she threw him was brittle. "I suppose we said our real goodbyes last night."

Gibbs gave her that lop-sided smile which always sent a tingle down her spine and a kick to her womb as they both remembered meeting the dawn with him inside her for the forth time of the night, a night that they both would never forget. "Yes, we did, didn't we?" He said, his voice lowering with wistful desire.

Up until a few days ago Gibbs had been happy. Here, in DC he had found home, in more ways than one, but none so evident than the times he'd spent with the woman opposite him. Those times he spent within her arms, Gibbs had truly understood the concept of home, but more so when he had been buried deeply inside her.

But now, as the truth of their relationship lay ignored between them, Gibbs knew that no matter what he said or did now, Abby would refuse him, even after last night.

Abby dropped her gaze away to hide the truth, truths that last night, and this morning, she had almost spoken aloud as Gibbs had consumed her soul, almost shattering the already crumbling defences that protected it.

Gibbs took her hands and lightly brushed her lips with his. Abby was relieved, for if he he'd have enfolded her in his arms and held her tightly as they'd kissed, she knew she would have begged him not to go. Her eyes were very bright as she smiled up at him and took one unsteady, but firm step back away from him.

With a deep shuddering breath, she whispered, "Goodbye, Gibbs, and good luck." She spun on her heels and walked away.

Finally with her back to Gibbs, the mask of cheerfulness slipped and her face crumpled. Tears coursed unchecked down her cheeks. But even so, knowing that Gibbs was watching her, Abby kept her head held high. As long as he couldn't see her tears, that was all she cared about, right then.

But Gibbs didn't need to see her face. Her pain poured into his mind and bled with his own and tears of frustration saturated his own eyes as he struggled against the urgent need to go after her. Torn in two, Gibbs first stepped after her and then stepped back until, in the end, he couldn't take any more of the anguish that was drowning him from afar and darted after her.

But Gibbs was too late. Even before he'd turned the corner he heard the distinctive roar of her roadster and knew she'd gone.

Gone.

In truth she'd been going since he'd left the hospital and now as he stood and stared at the empty road willing her to return, that it dawned on him that, day by day, and little by little since, Abby had been removing herself from him. Not physically, though. But mentally, so that by the time today had come, Abby was as far away from him as she could be.

But it still wasn't far enough. It never would be.

What a fool he'd been.

Having reached the safe haven of her own home, Abby collapsed onto the couch and rested her head upon her thighs, taking a deep, shuddering breath as she rocked back and forth. She'd known it wouldn't be easy, but the depth of her pain, even though it hadn't been a surprise, had hurt more than she'd realized.

Earlier in their relationship they'd agreed, foolishly, that they would keep things simple. The dangers of Gibbs job had always been there and been between them, and they both knew that danger would come to him sooner or later. And now it had come, but it had come too soon, for both of them. But Gibbs had worked so hard for this moment to happen and he would have been a fool to turn it down just because of her, and as she had not given him the opportunity to include herself in his future plans, she couldn't do or say one single thing about it.

Abby had been ready to throw aside their agreement weeks ago but Gibbs had given her no sign of a change of heart and she had deliberately mirrored it. She sighed morosely. No more moonlit walks in their favourite park. No more cosy reminiscing in each others bedrooms late at night. No more seeing his handsome face at the start of their days No more battling it out across the poker table as they silently competed with one another, much to the amusement of the rest of table's occupants.

And no more intimate dinner dates. Abby recalled the first time they had properly dined in. Abby had wanted to take control of the meal but Gibbs had had other ideas. Wanting to impress her with his culinary skills, he successfully produced her favourite meal. But then, whatever Gibbs cooked for her was a favourite in her eyes. But then anyone was a better cook than her because she was hopeless and proud of it.

But each and every date they'd shared had ended with them being on the brink of moving onto something more. But always, at the last moment, either one of them would dismiss the moment and they would part with a chaste kiss that always ached to be explored.

But it never did, until a few months ago, when they'd both suddenly realized that they needed more. Abby had often wondered if they knew their time was coming to an end and they had to capture their time they had left together before it was too late.

Her friend, her companion, her lover, her soulmate was going and she hadn't done one thing to stop him from either leaving or encourage him to take her along.

And now it was too late. She'd lost him.

Taking another deep breath, Abby pushed herself up from her crouched, foetal position, wincing as she straightened her tired and emotionally drained body. Going to her tiny kitchenette, she picked up the note pad that sat there waiting for her to finish and stared at it blindly for several long moments before throwing it back down with a clatter, disgusted at herself for being so weak-willed. Furious with herself for not listening to her best friends well meant advice.

"Just tell him how you feel, Abby!" Ziva had ranted at her. "What's he supposed to be, a mind reader?"

_Well, actually, yes, Ziva_, _that would be great!_ But he wasn't. That would have solved just about all of their problems in one fell swoop. But she had deliberately shut him out and it had almost destroyed her in the process. She had to hang on for just a little longer, just until he was far enough away from D.C. for her to let go.

She glanced at the clock. Thirty minutes. That's it. That's all the time there was for one of them to come to their senses. Her mind wandered back to her conversation with the Israeli. "But we had an agreement, Ziva, and I'm not going to indulge in emotional blackmail."

"But he might have changed his mind, too!" She'd raved at her.

Abby had shaken her head. "He hasn't. And anyway, it's too late."

Ziva had thrown her hands up in the air. "All brains and not once ounce of common sense between the damn two of you!" she'd muttered as she'd stalked out.

But that had been yesterday. Today, if she had needed her, she could have depended on Ziva to be by her side when it got bad. Really bad.

The note pad before her blurred as Abby sat and studied the information that she had written onto it. She knew it wasn't entirely accurate, but it would do. Gibbs would be taking off about now. Her feet carried her to the window and studied the empty sky outside. She heard the distinctive rush of a aeroplane passing by and closed her eyes to block out the view that she knew she would see next.

Behind closed eyes, Abby imagined Gibbs plane veering off towards Mexico, and with each second that passed a huge ache began to weigh down the very centre of her being. As she felt her entire body begin to go numb with shock, her legs buckled beneath her and she slipped to the floor, unable to support the loss that her body and mind had just endured.

Gibbs had gone. He had finally gone.

Moments later her door opened and Abby turned dry emotionless eyes towards the woman that stepped through it, frowning when she saw her cheery face.

"Leave me alone, Ziva. I want to die in private."

"I know, I know," she crooned sympathetically as she hurriedly stepped over towards the woman on the floor." "But an delivery boy brought this to the office from the airport. It's from Gibbs so I had to bring it to you. I couldn't resist!" She chortled, excitement lighting up her classic features.

It was then that Abby noticed the large box in her hand covered in deep crimson paper and tied with gold ribbon. She plonked it on top of the desk, and, curiosity getting the better of her, Abby climbed to her feet. As Abby untied the ribbon, the wrapping paper unfolded like a blossom, releasing a large blue balloon with the words, _I love you, Abby!_ emblazoned across it in gold lettering.

The balloon floated up to the ceiling, trailing a length of ribbon with a small gold card attached. Stunned, Abby reached out and pulled the card off and opened it. Inside, a question mark written within the picture of an engagement ring stared back at her and underneath were the words, _Fancy becoming my wife and spending the rest of your days drinking margaritas? _

Peering unabashed over her shoulder, Ziva clapped her hands in delight. "What a wonderfully romantic gesture! You'd have to be crazy not to go, Abby. You must go."

Laughing, Abby screwed up the piece of paper in her hand and threw it at her. "For once I agree with you. Please go and use all your feminine whiles on the Director and see how soon you can get me on the next plane to Mexico."

End


End file.
